Jokes

RANK DEFINITIONS FOR A

FIRE DEPARTMENT

Chief: Leaps short building with a single bound. Is more powerful than a ladder truck. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.

Assistant Chief: Leaps short building with a single bound. Is more powerful than a pumper. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if sea is calm. talks with god.

Deputy Chief: Leaps short building with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a pumper. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talk with God if special request is approved.

Engineer: Barely clears Quonset huts. loses tug-of-war with pumper. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain: Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them. Is run over by a pumper. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. dog paddles in swimming pools. Talks with animals.

Lieutenant: Runs into buildings when trying to leap them. Recognizes pumpers two out of three times. Is not allowed to use guns. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks to walls.

Sergeant: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Points and says, "look at the pretty fire engine". Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. mumbles to himself.

Firefighter: Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks fire engines and equipment out of his way. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them. freezes water with a single glance. He is God.

 

1) 3 Firefighter goes ice fishing, getting out on the ice they set up a shack and proceed to chop a hole in the ice with an ax... out of nowhere they hear in a booming voice " THERE ARE NO FISH THERE ". Looking at each other they take down the shack move and after setting up the shack again they proceed chopping a hole in the ice.... again, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE". Again they pack up and move... then setup and proceed to chop a hole in the ice when in a booming voice they hear... "ARE YOU GUYS FIREMAN?" Awestruck, they looked at each other and yell back "YES ARE YOU GOD?" "NO, I’M THE SKATING RINK MANAGER".

2) After coming back form a 4 alarm fire.....nothing new to report captain.... "THE LOT WAS SAVED"

3) The firefighter answered the phone "Hello, Pennfield Fire Department " Yes, L have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain, a new rose garden and a new Avery. Excuse me but what does that have to do with the fire service? Well, the house next door is on fire and I don’t want you to trample my front yard.

4) Three firefighter went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn’t seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. after loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "that does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, " how did you get that?" The rookie replied, I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck. The captain then said, I’ve had enough of this I am going to get my deer. He came back a half hour later with a 6- point buck. the chief asked, "how did you get that?" The captain then replied, I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck. The chief not wanting to be out done said " Iam out of here Iam going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked, "What happened to you?" The chief replied, I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a Train.

5) A farmer rushed to his phone one day to report that his nearest neighbor’s house was on fire. He promptly called 911 to report the fire. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire was at his neighbor’s house two miles down the road. The dispatcher asked " how do we get there?" The farmer hesitated a few seconds then asked, " Don’t you guys have those big red trucks anymore?".

6) A fireman and a policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off. Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady. As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policeman’s wings fell off.

7) A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, " I’m a fire chief, I’m not going to wait in line". He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, " Let me in, I’m a fire chief" The angels replied, You’ll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir. While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF" The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. that’s GOD, he just thinks he’s a fire chief".

8) It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news, though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose. A large explosion had killed a firefighter, a captain and a chief. Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter’s brain was $10,000, the captain’s brain was $50,000 and the chief was a MILLION DOLLARS! Curious, she asked why the chief’s brain was so much more expensive. The reply... you see the chief’s brain has never been used!!!!!

9) How can you tell when a firefighter is dead? The remote control slips from his hand

10) How do you put out a fire? Take away the " Heat, Fuel, Oxygen, or the CHIEF

11) What kind of ears do pumpers have? Engineers.

12) A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can’t park anywhere near this place!"

13) all of the firefighters at my station are quick! They’re even "Fast" asleep.

14) Why don’t firefighters look out the window in the morning? So they have something to do in the afternoon.

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